A Letter to My Five-Year-Old Self
#DearFiveYearOldSelf,
I need you to listen closely. Because your destiny rests on this.
Remember when mom and big sis (your aunt & cousin) took you in for the first 5 years of your life, to care for you, when dad couldn’t? And by the end of it, everyone — you, your 5-year-old sisters, aunt, and cousin all had a crying session in the living room? Dad had gotten remarried and broke his promise to your aunt, stating that you won’t be staying, and it was time for you to transition back to living with him? The family was in shambles. But listen: most of the pain did not originate from you. You didn’t really know what it all meant. Perhaps you were a mercy to your aunt & cousin because it was too heavy for them to carry alone. What a divine opportunity for you. A divine pain. Lean into this pain as you age. Allow it to propel you towards God.
By the way, you learned how to pray all of your daily prayers at age 5. Own this and use it. Rise. Love yourself enough to not slack in your worship.
You’re so in tune with reality. You pretty much always have been. In the west, people treat kids as if they don’t know anything. But you know a lot already. Which makes this part that much more difficult to tell you. From elementary school to college, there will be countless times where you willingly abandon yourself. Almost forcefully. You will feel this higher self within you, and you will choose the lower part of yourself over and over and over again. Perhaps it’s because you don’t have role models to guide you, or a community to lean on. But you know so much better. No excuses. Just listen to higher you.
Family first in service, everyone else second. That’s it. Remember it.
Along the way, you will lose your sense of safety. I need you to know that your safe space is created within you. No matter how much it is promised to you, external safe spaces cannot be guaranteed. This is not the fault of anyone, but a part of this world’s design. What is internal can transcend every external environment. It’s always been within you.
You don’t understand this in full now. But read it each year. You will gain deeper clarity each time.
With love & late gratitude,
Your 23-year-old self
[originally written: June 13, 2022]
