The Power of Giving and Receiving Affirmations
There is a certain point in your life when you realize that giving and receiving affirmations is a skill of the heart. To be able to look at someone in the eyes and tell them something you admire or appreciate about them. To be able to look at someone in the eyes and receive what someone admires or appreciates about you. For now, I will spare the wisdoms and intricacies of navigating humility before yourself and God in light of giving and receiving affirmations.
For now, I want to tell you two stories.
It’s November 2016. I am at the Rotary Youth Leadership Awards with 99 other students from across Southeast Michigan & Ontario. A full two-day experience at Schoolcraft College, learning what it means to know yourself and others, how to communicate, problem-solve, and make a positive difference. During one of the workshops, we were tasked with learning the most powerful three words. Those words? “Proud of you.”
The small lecture was always met with a practical component. A group of students were tasked with forming two lines on opposite ends at the front of the room. In each line was a student about to give the student across from them an affirmation. Some students did not know each other prior to this experience.
I was called to participate. At the front of the room, I stood waiting for my turn, with someone soon-to-be across from me. She was someone who, at the time, I did not know. We’ll call her LC.
As nervous as I always am amidst public speaking, and even more so when expressing emotion in front of an audience, it was time for me to give an affirmation. The words, “proud of you” ran through my mind. Feeling terrified, I stood in front of LC, with a microphone in my hand, and I told her, “I’m proud of you for waking up today and being here.”
I was meant with an awe-like response from the facilitator, and I was told to repeat what I had said.
So, I did.
And before anything else could happen, LC asked if she could give me a hug. I knew, then, that affirmation had a profound impact.
I also knew, then, that I had the potential to give love, verbally; and I knew that I would never forget LC.
It’s March 2020. I’m in Roanoke, Virginia, and it’s the last day of my group’s Alternative Breaks trip. We had just finished a week of service in a city far away from our own.
It’s nighttime, and the group and I are sitting in a circle. We are near the end of our final reflection.
The essence of the end called for a reflection and personal gratitude for the participants from the site leaders. I was one of them. Sitting on my heart was a deep love, appreciation, and the great potential that I saw in each of the group participants.
I felt the connections that I had made with each of them; some participants whom I have known for years. And I sat there, in my chair, in criss cross applesauce. There was a long silence, as I contemplated on who I wanted to be as “site leader” and the love that I wanted to share, coupled with the slow and loud persistence of the love that wanted to be shared in that moment.
The silence was awkward for me, but it did not seem like it was for them at all. In fact, I felt a sense of comfort from and with them. And even with this, I struggled to get any words out. It became apparent to me, then, and even more so now, that the issue was not and has never been external, but rather, it was internal. An illness or covering of the heart. A spiritual blockage of who I was and am and could be.
In that failed attempt to affirm each person beautifully, I gave a general affirmation to the group. I knew that I had let myself down and missed the opportunity to be vulnerable, give love, and receive their love back.
But, I also knew that I could someday become the leader that I had envisioned in my mind. Someone who could sit in front of a small group, look each person in the eyes, and tell them what they each mean to me.
In small ways, I practice this today. Partly because it has become easier to let myself give and receive love, and partly because the act of giving and receiving love is something that I hope to master and embody someday.
In big ways, I am becoming more patient with myself, and with silence in front of another. In big ways, I am coming home to myself.
[originally written: June 21, 2022]
